where did the time go?

 It was by far one of the hottest days of summer. The sweltering heat was so unbearable, that I desperately tried to fan myself with the help of a thin, battered magazine I had been trying to read a while ago. I waited in vain for some relief. Frustrated, I sat on the ledge near the window gazing towards the sky birds soaring high up, butterflies fluttering in the garden nearby, and a cool breeze passed, bringing in the delightful fragrance of different flowers. 

An immense sense of relief washed down my body. I lay my head against the cool glass pane and closed my eyes feeling every stroke of wind pass through the strands of my hair. I had never felt so peaceful. Suddenly, the realization struck. I glanced at the calendar to make sure I was right. Yes. Four months had passed since the day my senior year of high school came to an end. I was so taken by surprise, that I frantically began replaying all those months in my head and contemplated, ‘Where did the time go?’ now, let me be honest here, time is such a wicked thing, it passes so swiftly and along the way, steals the details away of our most cherished memories leaving behind a lonely barren canvas for us to fill it with the colours of joy again.

Throughout the high school journey, all my decisions and speculations always narrowed down towards the future path. It is a known fact that the path is treacherous, and despite knowing, we spend all of our valuable time obsessing over it when the time originally belonged to our present. It’s deceitful and most importantly we become unfair to ourselves whenever we do that. One gets lost in the labyrinth of emotions and obligations and spends their precious time trying to figure the way out of it.

 At the present moment, it is important to luxuriate in activities that truly bring the best out of us. For as long as I can remember I have developed a deep passion for books. When I was little, while the other kids rolled their miniature plastic trucks and cars down the street, I found solace in reading books under a canopy of trees on a swelteringly hot summer day. I hardly ever stayed within the confinements of my room, instead, I devoured the scenic beauty of nature with my eyes and drank in the magnificent historic monuments of my surroundings.

However, it would be erroneous to say that I didn’t agonize about my future. About my life after school, when there won’t be a repetitive schedule for me to follow or a fixed plan for every day of the week.  If I am being frank with myself, the majority of my senior year passed with me entirely consumed by the fear that I didn’t have a definitive plan. The fear accelerated so much that I couldn’t even sleep soundly at night. My mind became like a foggy glass, obscuring my vision with uncertainty and murkiness. Panic flooded my heart every time a random stranger questioned me about my future, thereafter I dreaded every single interaction, whether it was with my family or my friends. I chided myself for being so indecisive. The fear had infiltrated me so much that, I missed my last chance to become a seventeen-year-old high school student.

I woke up with a start from my reverie, surprised to see that the scorching heat had vanished, and the trees were swaying rhythmically along with the direction of the wind. As the heat ebbed away, I finally realized, there was still a glimmer of hope for me.  A chance to redeem myself, and one day, when all of this toiling came to an end, I will glance at my old self; the one who wasn't strong enough and who didn't think she would fit in this world and tell her, "look! how far we have come", there is no way I will hold myself back from all the endeavours life has to offer.